Syf. Syf syf syf syf

SYF.

Urgh this is so crazy
This syf is crazy
Excited and anticipating yet so so extremely scary stressful like I'm gonna shit in my pants kind of thing!! Can't stop thinking Abt it, gonna feel so empty after syf is over honest




When I saw you today it suddenly hit me so bad- I miss you so much.. :'(




Just last night I was thinking about all the tests/stress of the coming week. And. I really don't know what to say. After asking God to please intervene...

Today: found out geog test on wed (same day as syf) so it's postponed for me
Chem spa is next week instead
I'm excused from math test cuz we're having prac on sat morning.
For Clb, though I haven't gone for a single one of her lessons, she barely made any progress to the next ke wens... So that means I've been taught whatever that's being tested ie don't need siwei's tuition help!

Really really thank God for making a way and delivering me :')
It's anything but a coincidence.




If you weren't such a -.- You'd be good.




This week is crazy. I wonder how I'll make it through. Math test on sat, Clb test on tue, syf (and geog test) on wed, Chem test on thurs. Spa? On fri? I don't know. I just wanna roll over and die.

God please please intervene in this :(




I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
-Philippians 4:12-13




It's been an emotional week for me.

One week to syf isn't a long time away.. It's gonna go in a snap. Snap. Snap. Everything we've worked for. TT has taught us well. Awards, the colours, they don't matter. What is most important is making music. Growth. Personal growth. Friendships. Knowing that we have improved.

We've come a long way, my nyjchoir. It's hard to believe it's only been 1.5 years yet I feel so much for you. But thankyou because more often than not, it had been you who helped lift the nagging worries burden stress and frustrations of JC Life. We don't really have to speak, but once we make the music everything else just fades. It's magical.

It's sad tho. Sad because in the real world only things that are effective and do well matter. It doesn't matter if we've done our best and not get a gold, thn our best wouldn't be enough. For the school at least. But really am thankful because TT sees past all that and it's amazing how much pride and hard work he is willing to risk fr us. It's so scary and so crazy sometimes. If we don't get what we're supposed to get, and tt is gone after that, I dont think I'll be able to.... Let it go. I know I'm supposed to. But all these things just mean so much to me.

Singing in less than perfect choirs since p5 has taught me so much. Sometimes I am rly glad where God has placed me, I have really grown as a person. The last few weeks before syf are always so... Crazy. Lack of a better word. Physically, but mostly, emotionally. I want so much for the teachers, seniors, those who didn't make it fr syf, andmostly tt.

We sang for assembly on Tuesday. Def not our best. Went a tone sharp. Each time we disappoint, I feel my heart break because it sucks to know our full potential yet not do justice to tt's effort when we're put on stage and people are watching.. Judging. It sucks. It sucks for all of us, the teachers and tt. I really want to be able to give back to them.. So that after all the tough things they do just to give choir a chance, they can lift their heads proudly and say that their belief in the choir turned out right and well.

Today was my last wednesday prac. We ended a little earlier than usual. Tt sat us down and we all had a little sharing session.. Jin cried while talking to The choir. How far we have come with tt. How far he has brought us. I cannot describe it. Indeed the process has been nothing short of precious, wonderful, enriching and truly satisfying at moments. The process means so much more than the final destination. But now it is time for the final result. And people are watching.. Waiting. Because they simply look past the process. The product is the result of the process.

I went back home my mind filled with choir. What the hell is sch w/o choir. Yongs said graduating from choir is like graduating from school. It's so damn hard. I just feel so much for the choir.

I can't imagine when we will be waiting for results in a weeks time and eventually when we graduate. It's just something that I have kept so dearly in my heart, it's time to let go but I am admittedly not ready yet.




I actually did feel like crying today during prac because ok well you see we're jn our last week before syf and we needed that breakthrough.. Where our emotions come through the song. So it was 'hear my prayer' and tt made us reflect on our own personal things... And turned off the lights and so we sang and I don't know Abt other ppl but I had very strong goosebumps and I almost cried cuz i was so overwhelmed!

I'm graduating from choir in a little more than a week, don't know how to feel. Sigh what is sch w/o choir...:( almost nth at all




i feel that God has added unto my faith in the past week. hallelujah :)






my favourite drink now!! everyone should drink it too (Y)(Y)

ps. ignore the gigantuous eyebags and the lack of an eyelid on my right eye




My band people are so extremely nice :')




I want to be a great Levite for God




It wasn't even the usual daily struggle of snoozing my alarms and dragging the '5min more' nonsense whilst semi awake on my bed. No. Today it was me so extremely deep in sleep (those kinds tht you rly forgot ur actually alive kind) and on this day my phone had to die on me halfwaythrough the night. so I didn't het up to serve for morning svc. You know how serious that is. I feel so terrible :( I even missed jams cuz I don't know how to face my band!!:( sigh sigh sigh I'm so terrible sigh I dontdeserve to serve ;( now I'm missing jams and it's making me feel guilty..:( I actually rly wanted to go :(

Ugh




Had dinner with han today! What a rare occurrence today cuz he came fr svc haha. So yep we ate at pizza hut, caught up quite a bit actually.

And... He overcame the July-people-cant-commit curse!! He's w his gf for 3 mths Alr wootwoot. Super proud of him haha.

Actually I really do miss the whole gang of us :( and cell :( and The whole hanging out :(

Last time when me Jonus and val would go home Tgt and walk to the bus stop toward han's place, val&i han&jonus would skip to the bus stop!! Damn cute one haha. Miss all the stupid things haha.

And today the soundboard during jam gave us soo much problems but thank God that they were resolved before svc! Also one thing I am seriously not used to- long EQs!!! Hate it lol. Really rather jam..

And val sprained her ankle. Han was just complaining how unfair for her to never get hurt tho she cheerleads (more risky) yet he got injured so many times. Omg haha.

And I rly wna slp but need to read econs wah sian




Had dinner with han today! What a rare occurrence today cuz he came fr svc haha. So yep we ate at pizza hut, caught up quite a bit actually.

And... He overcame the July-people-cant-commit curse!! He's w his gf for 3 mths Alr wootwoot. Super proud of him haha.

Actually I really do miss the whole gang of us :( and cell :( and The whole hanging out :(

Last time when me Jonus and val would go home Tgt and walk to the bus stop toward han's place, val&i han&jonus would skip to the bus stop!! Damn cute one haha. Miss all the stupid things haha.

And today the soundboard during jam gave us soo much problems but thank God that they were resolved before svc! Also one thing I am seriously not used to- long EQs!!! Hate it lol. Really rather jam..

And val sprained her ankle. Han was just complaining how unfair for her to never get hurt tho she cheerleads (more risky) yet he got injured so many times. Omg haha.

And I rly wna slp but need to read econs wah sian




thoughts

1. its tiring to be on track with the tutorials/be ahead (i am definitely not)

2. i realised i have lost all my bestest best guy buddies over time, they all sorta disappeared...makes me wonder if we were ever friends at all ;<

3. WENT shopping!! f21 jeans, shorts, lazy tee, 2 flats, earrings!!!!!

4. done absolutely nothing since yesterday because i am so sick of work

5. but have lots..

6. i'm never speaking 1st again

7. i need to watch the proteins lec recording cuz i missed school that day.. eugh

homework.

geog- complete MM essay
chem- proteins tutorial
math- finish up regression, start on p&c. math test on cpx and vectors this sat
econs- market structure test
gp- AQ editing
clb- read my kewen and do letter writing

shit. im dead. just realised.



on a better note, i was out with soprano people today.. sherilyn and tracy. i like these girls 8) and i saw melissa chew my kindergarten best friend at Coldstone too omg! :)




best day of the week.

did myself a favour, took a break from all the busyness. we all need to learn to step out of the crazy whirlwind sometimes and look beyond it... yes there are tests, projects... a pile of homework. but then we also need to ask ourselves if homework is everything. well i learnt in cell last week that in the busyness we need to step out. even just for a good 15 min will be sufficient. and rest. i am very very blessed by last week's cell. thank you God.

had yoguru with my GP group mates after discussion today haha! ernie and nana. it was good hanging out with different company. a privilege i dont really get in class but yeah.

headed home for dinner, met donny about 9ish. grabbed yoguru hahaha, ntuced, decided to walk to gardens. caught up so much in that short span of time, it is always so good to take a walk just like the old times :) <3

got on 73 and alighted at school bus stop.. took a slow walk home. best decision ever. sometimes all we need is some time with ourselves. its so important to slow down. havent had that in about a million years. suddenly God's peace really just came over me and i was reminded how small everything i deem important in my life really is. i guess.

i wanted to say something but i forgot.

ok gtg shower and sleep, easter svc tmr at 10am gotta get up!

have a great and meaningful Easter guys.

oh yea (edit)

"dont let your hearts be anxious for i have overcome the world for you"




I think you are very good looking :") shyyyy hahaha.

Well TGIT! Good Friday around the corner. Bringing me back to simple yet powerful truth. Am so excited for our Easter production on fri, I'm bringing Tracy! Sera invited the 4e2ers as well yay yay.

I am also excited about the full dress rehearsal sat morning :) thank God I have silver pointed shoes from syf in bty 4 yrs ago to replace the ones I broke in czech! Thankful also cuz I was looking for a gp tuition buddy and Haruki immediately replied yay :)

Ps. You look like a gumball to me.… cute one tho haha




You have gone into the Temple and have found Him- as always- there.
CS Lewis




Look to the past and remember her smile, and maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene I think I'm falling asleep but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you




Syf is in 3 weeks! I don't think I'm doing enough as an individual.
Also 2.4 is this sat and I'm really dreading it. To cheat my way out would be wimpish and bad but it really is tempting.

Bren came to play a tennis matchtoday and I realized I haven't seen her since new years eve (it's been 4 months!) and I really missed her alot!!! Being with her for that half an hour or so before her match made my entire day.. Should have skipped geog lec earlier. I was so proud of her watching her play her doubles!! Rooting for the Sa team over Ny.... Because of Brenda and because the girls from Sa look alot nicer than the girls from Ny hahahha.

Wonder what wld happen if I had gone to sajc instead.... Guess it may be more fun and stuff but choir may not be as comparable :) and I have a nice bunch of girls in my class now so really that is so good and good enough. Yeah. Just wonder sometimes if I took an alternate route.. Haha. I miss the old times from sec4. Uber miss it. Uber.




Its been about 5 days since I got back my PW results.. Yet I am still ever so thankful for it.

You know, the weirdest thing is that I did screw up the first part of my OP. Quite badly in fact. I was pissed with mr o.. Was rude.. Then apologized. Pw was quite something to deal with! Redid my PI like 6-7 times, 3 or 4 totally new ideas.

But I rly Wna thank God for very very very extremely efficient, good to work with and responsible groupmates... And for taking over my OP when I was freaking out of my skin. It's like suddenly I was on God-pilot and He was steering.. Controlling.. And I delivered the rest of my OP effortlessly. God you simply still amaze me in ways more than one. You are so faithful to Your people.




Seeing and talking to you is the most awkward thing ever.

Today marked The end of syf auditions, also the start of proper syf training. For the past few weeks training with my group 7 I have learnt to work with a different group of people. Also have been discovering many of my own weaknesses which have been blatantly exposed and sometimes it really gets to me when the method I am told to use
does not work and instead cause me to be pitchy. The worst thing I could ever be is pitchy. Worst insult. That's why I was upset and frustrated today- felt that I did Nt deserve my pass because I havent improved significantly from the last audition.

But really thank God for Tt who really believes in me and is so understanding. Felt bad for crying when he spoke to me after prac today because I know I made him more stressed. And I really didn't want that.

And to all my friends who did not make it past auditions. ESP those whom I know worked their asses off. I salute you guys and please don't stop singing.

what is a competition really about? Not the competition definitely, but the team. And I love my team. And the one who heads the team.

I need to be more serious about improving my koute tande and dawn wind.

Had a good dinner with the old people. Miss being around them alot- jin es and sap.

Cutest thing sap asked me today was need a hug? Haha. Glad we haven't drifted apart tho I'm j2 now.

Meow Clb listening compre at 7 Tmr ugh gtgzzzbb




Omg just posted one long post ad my phone just del it agggh. Nvm

Main points
-need to prac syf pieces
-read Chinese ke Wen

Tmr got pe urgh cfm run 2.4

-today sat at garden's macs for 7 hrs. Productive cuz I can't talk/disturb anyone
Gonna do that Tmr too- gotta read and edit gp essay plan, Chem tut first pg, math 14c, read newsweek, read Chem lec notes,....

Trace said she's contemplating to u-turn. Makes me doubt if I'm ready to take a's this yr too. Block test= all scrape through.

Gp: 22.5/50
Chem: 44/100
Math: 47/100

Eww..





This whole weekend, I've been thinking about why I'm treating you in this way. Cuz honestly I don't know.

This whole weekend = conflicting emotions about some things

Fell asleep about an hour after dinner cuz of a bad headache.

But one thing I'm happy about is finally getting a good tutor I am over the moon. I am slightly more motivated.

I miss don and min.

I think I'm heading to united sb to do work after school Tmr. Glen u free for dinner or u gg ur aunts place?

I feel like I dont trust myself anymore and ugh so unworthy. True what bob fitts said that the HS from time to time will 'season my tongue with salt' so that I grow thirsty, but even so if I am anything but thirsty, why am I so passive? Why am I not clinging to God.. Why am I not making the effort. I suck :(






Oh yeah. Well you know cuz this week I'm scheduled to serve at PL and it's my first time serving there, with my newly assigned band.. Andthen Sis Jas asked me so how old r u? Sec what. Then when I told her I'm 18 this year she flipped and was in total disbelief and told Sis Mich: she has such a baby face!!
And in cell too.

I like looking young ehe I think I got it from me papa.




I don't mean to be anal.. I really don't. But everytime I hear split notes from the band vocals and when our voices don't blend and we stick out so crude we start to tend sharp, I just cringe a little..

But today was cool. The mixed band thing. Although we didn't get to play for svc cuz bob fitts came and ignyte got mobilized to the sanctuary for adult svc. Joined sarah's lcell.. Nice (and smart) people (majority from rj and hci!).. Topic we discussed about was extremely relevant to me. And I'm wanting to follow up more reflections on that tonight.

Also. Not having dinner with sap tonight was weird cuz this week we've been hvin dinner wed-fri consecutively hha.
FINALLY bought my nalgene bottle!!! Can finally stop using my embarrassing pri sch bottle which can barely hold enough water for me at all.

Having a new tutor over I am really hoping he will value add. Gonna have to complete carbonyl tut, go through math block test solutions, attempt 14c, read newsweek and also my kewen (couldnt get up for my first 2 morning Clb class)

And I need to run.




Think the last time I honestly liked someone was 5 years ago. Random thing pop up in my head while studying at macs on a fri night

Today sparked alot of thoughts.. Choir. My friend. Choir. More choir.

I... Want so much more for my choir. and even more so, for tt. He's the best conductor. Best educator... Teacher... Mentor I ever had. He deserves so much more than what we're giving him, you know? Almost cried today cuz if tt leaves nyjchoir will not be nyjchoir. the thought is just. I don't know. Don't even wanna go there. And it just sucks to know that we're disappointing. And me going flat and sharp what is wrong with my pitching... And why only now I find out about my mouth shape problem. I'm going to improve.. We're all gonna... That's what syf is about i guess, just hope we're not too late. I love my choir alot. Finally felt a sense of urgency during prac today. Glad.

And. Today=conflicting emotions. Walls.. Walls. Don't understand myself sometimes hah.




Had dinner with sap today.. Pao sing restaurant! Thnks for the treat rich kid. Wanted to Study after so he suggested my crib. And so we walked to my crib. Through cooling close :) havent walked with him in quite a bit haha so that was rather enjoyable.

Told him that it'd be cool if we ever became siblings... homed. Froyo'd. Did some work. Talked... Be retarded.. Yeah.

Anw the dance team clinched a silver this syf- I am guessing it didn't come as good news but i know that they worked very hard and all the dancers in my class do possess so much passion for dance and for that, awards simply don't mTter as much as lessons learnt and stuff. And I am still very proud of them.

Gonna die there's Clb at 7 and it's almost 2 sigh

Holler

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Been at this since I was 14 looooooloooooooooool
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